Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
