The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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