you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
