her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's the barista slut.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
