four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
