I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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