So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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