Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
