Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My hand turned me down
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
