apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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