Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
