that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
