Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
