Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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