It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
