every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize