I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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