Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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