Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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