In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
MIDGETS
????
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
