There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it hurts more in the daytime
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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