I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
