I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
