His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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