How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize