you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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