so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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