I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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