omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
