I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
