He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
