This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
