Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
