if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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