I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
