Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
