i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
