He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
