It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
