I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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