Yo dont text me then not text me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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