her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
