im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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