He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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