I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
