Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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