I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
