im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
