I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
