The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
