Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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