Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
