You don't have asthma, your pregnant
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
