I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
