Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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