HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
