I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
