yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
