Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
