He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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