I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize