hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
