Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
