dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
