But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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