She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
