Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
