You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just cropdusted the office
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
