I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
