just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
