I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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