If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
