We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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