there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Actions speak louder than pants.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The Olympian is in my bed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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