the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
