Me too!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
