hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
