you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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