dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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