I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
