Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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