One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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