Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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