don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
