im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
