drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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