And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
