you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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