trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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