Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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