the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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