Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
