don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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