And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
