I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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