I need help removing her.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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