this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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