carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm both gender and math confused
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
