At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
