Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
