Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
do herpes really smell.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize